Still searching

So, I started this blog in January and haven't posted a thing since which is actually not a big deal since I have exactly zero people reading it.  And I know nothing about blogging. Or about life at times for that matter. I'm a 38 year old woman who still doesn't know what she wants to be when she grows up. I've always enjoyed writing. Mostly. I've always thought I've had a natural affinity for it. People have always complimented my writing. And it's been easy for me. 

Easy is always what I've wanted for my life. I'm an easy going person and I like easy. It's, we'll, easy. Do you feel me here? I'm not much of a "challenge motivated" person. At least I didn't think I was. Until yesterday when a good friend made me realize that nothing in life is ever 100% easy. Even the things that you love and want to do forever have their difficult moments. It's the fact that you love them and want to do them forever that make those difficult time and the hard work worth it instead of just plain old drudgery. Oh it'll still be drudgery but if you realize that it's moving you toward a larger (hopefully fulfilling) goal, hopefully it will joyful drudgery. Or bright side drudgery or something poetic like that. Let's see if that is something I can keep in my mind...

And just like that, I've started yet another blog. I had one years ago and skimming through it when I found it today, I was amazed by how much my life has changed in the years since I started it. It's all about knitting and infertility and I feel like I had a lot more time on my hands to fiddle with it than I will with this blog. But writing is something that I enjoy. And something that I want to practice and improve at and the best way to do that is to just do it.

A year or so ago, I started taking yoga again at the encourageent of a friend (Thanks Karla!) and it's made a big difference in my life already. Maybe not my body because that still feels like I've hit been a train the day after class. In a good way. Ya know. Like, "Thank you Sir, may I have another"? Anyway, last night my instructor said something that really hit home with me. She was talking about how when we want to do something we just need to do it and come at it in any way that we can. We can't be waiting for this, that or the other thing. We just show up and do it the best that we can. Like yoga. Just show up on your mat and do what you can. I don't need to reasearch effective blogging strategies or how to make money freelancing endlessly in order to be able to write. I just have to write. And if anyone ever starts to read my blog and I get afraid of success... well, that's one that I'll have to deal with later! For now, I'm just going to write. It may not be polished - I'm posting this as a first draft with no editing whether that's smart or not! - and it may not be witty or inciteful or funny or anything else that I may aspire to but it will be real. And it will be done. And it will make me feel like I've accomplished something. (Perhaps I should have begun with "Dear Diary"!)

If you're reading, leave me a comment so I can get anxious about not living up to your standards. ;)